General myths about feminism
"Feminists hate men"
I won’t use any particular examples here, but let’s just say that I (and a lot of other feminists!) like men very much.
Moving away from the salacious side, we definitely don’t hate men – this “all feminists are angry, hairy lesbians’ myth is kind of silly not to mention derisive (not that there is anything wrong with being angry, hairy and being a lesbian…it’s just not all of us). Feminism doesn’t want to punish men or bring them down. We want to empower women so that we can be treated on an equal footing with men. What we hate is the social system that means women have a lower social and legal standing than men. Empowering women does not mean giving men fewer rights than women.
"Feminists hate sex"
Damn – I usually respond to this in person with something along the lines of “OF COURSE I DON’T HATE SEX DON’T BE SILLY. Why, you should have seen last night – we [censored] until we [censored], and then [censored] some more, and then I brought the [censored] out and he put on the [censored] and we [censored]. We might have broken the futon.” But I’m supposed to be keeping this safe for work, so onto actual debunking.
When we bring up the terrifyingly high rates of sexual abuse, or how those working in the sex industry are treated, or the problems the sex industry causes in its current form, we don’t mean we hate all sex. We want consensual sex, we want sex workers protected, and we want acceptance for those who want all the sex and those who don’t want to have sex. What we hate is rape culture, how women are harassed and treated as sex objects and how sex is handled in society.
"Feminists are ugly"
I’d get indignant about this but it’s really not a new one – this is just a rehash of the same tired ‘angry hairy lesbians’ trope. I’m of the personal opinion that we have some pretty goddamned hot members in Dundee, but that’s not the point. When you instantly dismiss people’s opinion because they don’t match up to your beauty standards you have a problem. Nobody, including women, exist merely as pretty faces.
"Feminists dont want equality for women, they want them to be superior. That's why i'm a humanist":
You don’t really think this, do you? Man, sucks to be you. As stated above, feminists don’t hate men (that would be stupid, given a fair few of our members are male), and female emancipation does not come at the expense of men’s place in society.
"Feminists only care about women. Men are oppressed too"
I hate to break it to you, but male public toilets not being as clean as female ones is not a case of oppression. I kid, however - feminists actually do care about men; men have significantly higher suicide rates, a result of macho hypermasculine culture where showing feelings is considered weak and feminine. Male issues are a part of women’s issues; by ensuring that women are treated like human beings and not an inferior state of being, we can break down issues like the expectation of men not to show emotion, or not to take a prominent role in raising their own children.
Mythbusting for the skeptical man
"We dont need feminism anymore. Everything is already equal and fair"
True. It’s not like women are paid less than men for the same job, that women find it difficult to enter certain vocations or that women of child bearing age are discriminated against in the job market just in case children decide to spring out of our vaginas… It’s not like that less than a third of parliamentarians are women, that Bruce Forsyth/David Attenborough are upheld as a living gods but older women mysteriously vanish from our screens… It’s not like we’re constantly shamed for having too little or too much sex, reminded on an hourly basis on TV just how ugly we are naturally (and how filthy our children and houses are because we’re COMPLETELY and solely responsible for them unlike men)…that nobody will like us if we’re too fat, to thin, too old, too hairy, too bald…oh and we’re mysteriously insecure, sensitive, and prone to complaining about minor things like the lining of our wombs falling off in an agonising fashion on a monthly basis or companies making larger breasted women pay over the odds for needless frivolities like bras…It’s not like national family newspapers have topless women in the centre of them to remind us that women exist for looking pretty not for being people in their own right…it’s not like any woman has ever been wolf whistled, felt up against her will or had people shout stuff about her tits from cars…I mean, even if those things were said, they were clearly meant as compliments and we shouldn’t find it intimidating or demeaning at all even if we were underage at the time. Oh and rape barely ever happens and is always carried out by strangers. The NUS are clearly making things up when they say 1 in 7 women are sexually assaulted at some point during their university life….and of course it’s not like women across the world don’t enjoy basic freedoms like being able to drive, vote, be gay, get an abortion, choose who she can marry, attend school, not be raped in warzones or go outside without her owner’s husband’s permission. Everything is completely equal and fair now because it’s not like any of the above happens…Oh and did I mention that it’s not like women are ever accused of ranting or being hysterical when they point out facts?
Check our statistics page (LINK) for hard factual evidence as to why thinking “everything is already equal and fair” is a little naïve.
Mythbusting for the skeptical woman
"Feminists think i'm pathetic because I want to be a house wife. What is wrong with being a housewife or wanting to look after children?"
Absolutely nothing! Just as we want women to be able to choose to work and not bear the brunt of the housework and childcare, we also want women (and men!) to be free to be a housewife/husband. It’s all about being able to make a choice, free from pressure or societal influence.
"Men and women are just inherently different. They can never be equal. It's just biology"
Poppycock. This one is another case of people trying to stretch science to fit their idea of the world. Back in ye olde days, they initially theorised that women were less capable as a result of smaller brains (which, obviously, makes no sense), after which they blamed it on the length of some obscure bone in the body, and then on other ridiculous grounds. Most of the evidence for the ‘difference’ between men and women is the result of badly researched pop psych; Cordelia Fine’s ‘Delusions of Gender’ looks at debunking these myths and at the research into how society shapes our idea of how men and women behave and think.
"Feminists have no sense of humour and just like taking offense at everything"
Tee hee. This one makes me laugh. Oh, wait – should I be offended? I dunno. Damn.
We don’t like humour that is based on oppressing others. You might think the rape joke you just told was pretty funny and harmless, but what about the girl next to you who was raped? Or the guy you just told it to who’s taken advantage of women in the past and had his behaviour reinforced because rape is taken so light heartedly?
And if you think sandwich jokes are actually funny/original, we aren’t talking to you because you’re tacky and we hate you.
"I just dont like other women. I act more like a man and prefer the company of men. Other women are annoying"
Question: do you like all men? No? Then why would you assume to dislike all women? We’ve already proven above that women are not a different species from men and are human beings in their own right, so stop treating them as second-class citizens.
"Women find assertive guys a turn on. Nice guys finish last. Women dont really want equality. Deep down they want strong leadership"
This is disturbingly close to the ‘lesbians just haven’t found the right man yet’ comment. There is no such thing as an ‘alpha male’, and saying all women like assertive guys is like saying everyone likes pie (spoiler; they don’t). We are our own people with our own autonomy, and saying that women want strong leadership is an insult to the many women who have provided strong leadership themselves.
"I'm a nice guy and am good to women all the time but they only date assholes. They deserve what they get. Just sayin"
If you honestly think that women find you ‘too nice’ to date, maybe you should expecting them to start dating you if you’re ‘nice’ enough to them, and bring something else to the table.
"Feminists think a secret cabal of men called "The Patriarchy" rule the world and deliberately put down women"
“The Patriarchy” is actually the name for the system as a whole that places men in a position of power and gives them greater privileges than women, rather than some illuminati type conspiracy theory. Enforcing the patriarchy is something we all engage in to some extent and can be perpetuated by both men and women; furthermore, a lot of sexism is ingrained into us so we feed into this system without often realising it.
"This is the age of austerity. Giving women more benefits will just cost money. Who pays for this stuff. Men..."
"Feminists are control freaks who are always telling people what to do"
Nope. Just me.
"Feminism is emotionally emasculating. It makes me unsure if i'm allowed to act like a man or not"
You can still be a man and respect that women don’t necessarily want to be babied and treated like delicate china. Admirable masculine behaviour doesn’t have to include opening doors and jars for the ladies. You should hold a door open for everyone (except maybe Jack Nicholson wielding an axe).
"Feminism is anti family"
We’re actually against forcing people into gender roles and expecting women to halt everything and devote all their time to childcare. We’d be very happy to see men work less often and spend more time with their families or even be house husbands. But don’t let the truth stop you from making up fantastical myths! Oh! Oh! Can we have more that feature fire breathing unicorns on trains, please?
"Feminism is just sexism against men. It's went too far. We now need rights for men"
Just… go stand in the corner and think about what you’ve done. As stated above, the rights of women do not come at the expense of men’s. For the mass of evidence that shows how feminism has not gone too far, check our statistics page.
Also, read this {link to why men’s rights groups are bovine faecal matter}.
"Feminism just encourages women to behave unethically like sluts"
Nopety nope nope – we support all decisions regarding people’s own sex lives, from women going out and having all the partners to women signing up to convents. Slut is an arbitrary insult based on the principle ‘women are dirty and worth less if they are aware of their own desires and choose to express them’, which is pretty goddamn wrong.
"We constantly hear of women's rights. When will we hear of women's duties? Men work hard for what they have"
So do women. Harder, if you take into account all the misogyny and glass ceilings and prejudice we need to pass.
"Feminism is just white, middle class, abled cis women, preaching about white, middle class, abled cis problems. What about all the other women out there?”
We won’t lie – this was a pervading problem with a lot of second wave feminism (for more on this, see our resources on the history of feminism), although it was addressed and combated during the third feminist wave. Whilst Dundee University Feminist Society do take inspiration from a lot of the achievements of the second wave, we do personally have a very varied membership base and make a concentrated effort to evaluate feminism and address the specific problems of all groups (this is called “intersectionality”).
